In today’s post, we’re discussing 10 signs of childhood emotional neglect. So, what is emotional abuse and emotional neglect?
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse (also known as psychological abuse) is a common cause of low self-esteem and, judging by the clients that we see in our office, it is a significant cause of distress with respect to mental health distress. People who experience emotional abuse may demonstrate distinct personality changes, such as being withdrawn, feeling anxious, depression, or even suicidal. According to Healthy Place, emotional abuse is as follows:
Any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilisation, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth (Tracy, 2021).
Emotional neglect
Emotional neglect occurs when your parents don’t respond to your feelings as they raise you. More specifically:
Emotional neglect involves inattentiveness to a child’s emotional and development needs (Lawler and Talbot, 2012).
However, we at Hypnotic Universe. would go a step further and add that a victim of emotional neglect could be of any age. Unfortunately, the issues that develop in childhood as a direct result of this relationship pattern, frequently persists into adulthood.
Signs of emotional abuse in adults
Emotional neglect in childhood affects a child’s ability to feel secure in the world and in their relationships. Not addressing childhood emotional neglect can lead to long term inability to understand and manage emotions, whilst maintaining healthy relationships.1.
Because our early childhood experiences form the way we interact as adults, untreated childhood emotional neglect can cause long term deficiencies in our ability to understand our emotions, manage our emotions, and be in healthy relationships.
The lasting effects of childhood emotional neglect include:
#1. Persistent feelings of loneliness, guilt, or shame
When a person’s emotions are ignored when they’re growing up, they become unable to process their emotions. Processing emotions can only happen when children are exposed to emotions, aided in understanding their own emotions and learn skills to deal with their emotions. And that can only happen when parents and key adults in the child’s life, pay attention to the child’s view of the world.
#2. Relationships that are distant or disconnected
When people don’t understand and use emotions appropriately, they can be very difficult to have a relationship with, successfully at least. Consequently, they can experience superficial, multiple, short relationships which lack contentment and meaning.
#3. Dissociative or shutting-down behaviors
When your feelings are frequently ignored and ridiculed, people may learn to shut down as a way of preventing them feeling the emotions and suffering the hurt which happens when they are made to feel bad.
#4. Distrust of others
When you’re raised in a home where you are ridiculed for feeling emotions, it can teach you to avoid expressing your emotions to anyone, including your parents and siblings. And if this pattern is also replicated by key people in your life, such as friends, grandparents (emotional neglect is often transgenerational) and teachers, it can be especially catastrophic.
#5. Heightened risk of anxiety disorders and depressive disorders
As stated above, people who were raised in an emotional vaccuum tend to have poor, ineffective and multiple relationships. This may begin with a sense of futility, unhappiness and longing – and end in poor mental health, such as depression and anxiety.
#6. History of co-dependent relationships
A person who lived (or is living) with emotional abuse or emotional neglect may have a history of co-dependent relationships. These are relationships where one person is the caretaker and the other person is the recipient. Such relationships are typically more common where one person is abusing alcohol or is addicted to drugs. Below is an example of co-dependency.
Example – alcoholism:
Caretaker – buys alcohol for the individual experiencing alcoholism because they don’t want to put up with protests from the recipient.
Recipient – protests when alcohol isn’t available, until caretaker buys a new supply. Recipient takes advantage of fact that the caretaker doesn’t want to tolerate recipient’s complaints.
Children raised in homes where parents have a co-dependent relationship are at especially high risk of entering into a co-dependent relationship themselves.
#7. Inability to ask for help
When you’re raised in a home where parents don’t express their own emotions, it can be difficult to understand how emotions work. As in, what certain emotions look like, when to express them, how to express them and why they’re there. When you are brought up in an emotional vaccuum, you simply don’t recognise your own emotions, because you have no emotional blueprint to compare against.
And when children do express their emotions, they can be humiliated and ridiculed, so they eventually stop expressing their emotions. Eventually, this leads to a disconnect with their emotions, as though they simply forget how to feel emotions.
#8. Inability to deal with emotions of self or others
Growing up with your emotions disregarded teaches you to ignore your own emotions. When this happens, it sets you up to also ignore, minimise, or even be ashamed of your own feelings, or the feelings of others. Thus neglecting one of the most natural, connecting and helpful resources that is available to us.
9. Sabotaging relationships or opportunities in order to avoid rejection
Many homes where emotional abuse and neglect occur are toxic homes, where children feel as though they have no control. For example, they are unable to control how their parents act towards them. When you grow up constantly feeling as though you aren’t in control of your life, individuals can grasp at any form of control in their adult life. Consequently, people may sabbotage their own relationships, because that is something which they can control. People who grew up in lowing homes with healthy relationships may find that completely absurd, but it really does happen.
10. Emotional reactivity
When you grow up in a home where emotions are constantly ignored, the individual fails to learn how to use emotions appropriately and how to manage difficult emotions. Therefore, children grow into adults who react early and defensively to life’s ups and downs.
Need help?
If you are struggling with the effects of a previous relationship or childhood where you experienced emotional abuse or neglect, we can help. At Hypnotic Universe (formerly Mirfield Hypnotherapy Centre), we are well-equipped to help you in your recovery journey. Contact us today if you are ready to move on with your recovery.
If you are currently in a relationship where you are experiencing emotional abuse, click here for advice from the UK Government. Those living with previous emotional abuse and neglect may find this NHS resource on abuse helpful.
Next steps
We offer hypnotherapy both online and face to face, as well as in your own home, if you’re a blue badge holder living within approx’ 10 miles of WF14 9ED.
To book, just send us your availability over the next 10 to 14 days and we’ll set up an initial consultation, to see how we can help you move on with your life:
- Use our online contact form.
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Resources stated or linked in this article:
The following resources were used to create this post. This is not an exhaustive list and we cannot guarantee the authenticity or availability of all resources.
Gov.UK (2018). Domestic abuse: How to get help. From https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help. Accessed August 2022.
Lawler, M.J & Talbot, E.B (2012). Encyclopaedia of Human Behaviour (Second edition).
NHS (2020). Information for adults physically, emotionally or sexually abused as children. From https://web.ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp/leaflets/Abuse.pdf. Accessed August 2022.
Tracy, N (2021). Emotional Abuse: Definitions, Signs, Symptoms. Healthy Place. Accessed August 2022. From https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-abuse-definitions-signs-symptoms-examples.
